James Bond – Ultimate Guy’s Guy

 

Suave, sophisticated, a high stakes gambler, deft behind the wheel of expensive European sports car, adventurous, impeccable taste in clothing and his women and deadly – oh yes very deadly, but he has a license to do so! These characteristics can be summed up all in one word – Bond. JAMES BOND! OK, so that’s two words, but are you going to hold him to just one word?

James Bond is the man that men want to be like and all the women want to be with.

What accounts for this man’s top hold on the manly food chain?

He is always in control. Whether the game is high stakes poker, baccarat, or wooing women, he is always steps ahead of his opponents in a manner that would make chess king Garry Kasparov consider changing his game to Candy Land. Know this (and you know you already do!) – sit before Mr. Bond in a battle for money, compete with him for a woman or set out for world domination and you will lose. Of course you might win, but did you really? It just might be the man with the double zeros let you win – for the moment. Or worse yet – that he just didn’t care.

He’s got the gadgets. There isn’t a man who doesn’t turn weak in the knees when entering an electronics store or even a hardware store. Men love gadgets, but just ask Q – Bond has destroyed more high tech and improbable gadgets by accident than most men will ever see in a lifetime – even if that man chose to max out a handful of credit cards. Ah, but such wanton destruction of her majesty’s property is permissible. Why? He’s protecting Queen, country, world and himself and not necessarily in that order. Actually, DEFINITELY not in that order.

He’s got a personal theme song. Keep in mind that there are a couple things required to be Bond. One thing is, he has his own theme song. If you walked into crowded room and were expected to spot out a deadly double agent and a hot woman who has nothing to do with anything, but will shortly be flying with you at high speeds in your Aston Martin, then you need theme music – something to give you swagger when you make your entrance. Something else that this means – you may have to rent said car and leave dad’s wheels at the house. I believe Mr. Bond would say, “Do try to keep up.”

He never gets ruffled. Bond will run across a warehouse disguised as a mountain while encountering bullets, missiles and other men all skilled in martial arts and vanquish them all without ever once wrinkling his expensive suit or disturbing his toupee. Well, actually the toupee is something he would rather we didn’t bring up (the FIRST Bond at least!), but the key is he looks good and never allows himself to be flustered.

He knows what he wants. When all this cloak and dagger work and skilled womanizing comes to an end, it’s time to stroll up to the bar, lean against it disinterestedly, KNOW what you want to order and ask for it by name. Bond does not lose focus – not even now! This is not a time to order a Pabst Blue Ribbon because it’s offered as a two-fer during happy hour. He makes the call – “Martini. Shaken, not stirred.”

I have NO idea what would happen if he was brought a stirred martini, but his hands are lethal weapons and he is licensed to kill. You do the math. When all is done at the end of a day filled with dangling from helicopters, scuba diving to enemy headquarters, blowing up things and always catching his villain and his woman (sometimes all at once), it’s time to take in the scenery while listening to your theme song playing you out before you start the whole thing over again. Because you’re Bond. JAMES BOND.